The Little World of Barnum T Jugbat

I have a new Galaxy A17 phone from E fucking E. I have had it around 4 months. I have had previous Galaxys with no problems.
After about a month it needed charging every late afternoon so I now carry, when I remember, a battery pack with me.
The screen has the response time on par with Binmen goalkeepers. It often fails to come to life and recognise me even after I have washed my finger
Apps appear and disappear with a whim, only recognising passwords when they feel like it.
The screen darkens at the drop of a hat.
It has even started listening to other people’s conversations and inserting them into the middle of something I’m typing.
I have gone into E fucking E several times abd expressed a desire to throw the sodding phone out of the window. The bright young things smile, take my phone, do strange catalytic things and speak to me woth forked tongue. Yes, I have a lot of apps. No, I don’t use them, l don’t know where they come from or what they do. Yes, please remove the ones l haven’t used. How so they know which ones by the way. Would l mind if they changed the settings to miraculously improve things. Please do I’ve no idea about settings. Can I have a new phone please as this is obviously a POETS job. No.
And now ……..
I am trying to pay for something on line. The screen says ‘open your banking app to confirm payment ‘ with a box to tick after the banking app has confirmed the payment. I open the app, confirm payment and go back to the original payment screen. It is not on the same page, no, it has gone back a page and is now asking me to confirm the bastard payment again. WTF is going on.
I will give E fucking E a last chance, after which l will go elsewhere at@ renewal time. That’ll teach them.
Bastarding modern fucking technology.

There are many Faceache accounts, written by women, that portrait he the male of the species is a mildly idiotic buffoon with no grip on reality who bumbles through life without a clue about the real masters of the universe, our partners.
I would like offer our point of view. We are logical and methodical as is proven by the washing line situation.
In the garden of our terraced house we have three washing lines, hung between wooden shed and the brick shed. One goes between the two sheds just in from the fence and remains in situ all year. Another goes along the line of the path and is rolled up after use. They have their own hooks at either end. The third line goes diagonally across, sharing a hook at the wooden shed end but has its own hook about six inches inside the other one at the brick end. The three lines have loops at the end to ensure that, if used with their own props, the props remain vertical. This makes them less of a trip hazard and in the middle raises the washing as high as possible. This helps the drying process. To help with this the three props, obviously of different heights have a regular different place to stand when not in use. Logical and sensible you will agree? It also means that, depending on the load, most times only one or two lines need to be used.
I have developed and used this logical system over 25 happy years of cohabitation with the Master of the Universe, MOTU.
I am obviously misunderstood as when the MOTU hangs the washing out it is absolute chaos. The diagonal line is hung using the outer of the hooks, obviously preventing it reaching the maximum height. The props are used randomly, causing trip hazards and sagging lines. The washing is hung haphazardly, often using more lines than needed and without hanging socks etc in pairs. Even taking the lines down results in both lines and props being scattered to the four winds.
Over the years my reasonable and helpful attempts to explain the system has resulted in increasing acerbic language and gestures.
Now you may say this seems a bit over the top but nay, it is an example of the reasonable, methodical, practical, and satisfying, logic of the average male. I could, and may, provide further examples in an attempt to address the imbalance.

Would it be asking too much, when ashtrays are put out, to leave a few tables upŵind without ashtrays. In summer many of us non smokers are trapped indoors by both the aroma and sight of smoking and associated detrius.
We don’t want to stop you, just avoid you. Dog ends, empty packets, ash, foul aromas, why impose those on others? Keep it clean and personal.

It’s hot, I’ve been in two pubs serving real ale today. The first one, I took a sip and said to the bar person ‘I’m not convinced about this beer. Would you like to try some?’
The reply was ‘That’s OK, I thought it was end of barrel, thanks for confirming. What do you want?”
Am I being unreasonable in expecting better?
The second had three pumps, I chose which one I thought would have the bigger turnaround. It was 20.9C but not undrinkable if you like sweet toffee tasting brews. However it shouldn’t taste like that and was a pale shadow of the beer I know. Should I have returned it?
Both were aptly logged on Whatpub and Untapped.
Do we need a new Faceache page promoting ‘I’ve got python in my pub?
Discuss.

I have been told I am a COB (Curmudgeonly Old Bastard) when it comes to warm beer. I admit it, but I do understand, and sympathise with the problems of keeping cask ale in warm weather. However, after speaking to landlords and bar staff I wonder if many of them do.
My simple explanation is that warm beer is caused by it sitting in the handpunp cylinder or line and not being served very often. In a recent experience we ordered 3 halves in GBG pub. The first was 21.4C, second 18.8C and the third 16.4C. And the recommended temperature is 12-14C. Surely this shows that beers quickly rise to remember temperature in the handpump cylinder and although the line may be insulated it only slows the rise down?
The main solution, IMHO, is a python. This is where all the beer lines are wrapped together with insulation, with another line or more, of cold water included in the insulation and connected to the handpump cylinder. The cold water keeps the beer in the lines and cylinder cool.
This means good beer for the customers, less wastage for the pub amd satisfaction all round. I know that pythons are expensive and I’m not suggesting that they should be installed as a matter of course but surely during refurbishment of pubs and upgrades it should be possible to do this?
In the meantime it might help if, during warm weather, the range of beers on offer is reduced, even halved. Again in another Good Beer Guide pub the six beers were measured between 16.4C and 24.1C. If fewer beers were on offer would the temperature be reduced?
Another option is to forget cask ale and buy the Bottle Conditioned versions if and when available.
I hope this helps understand my, and others, position on the matter?

DFor the first time I feel ashamed to support the Labour Party. A decent man is being hounded by the media, opportunists, and many who just want to jump on the bandwagon.
Keith Starmer won an election two years ago with a huge majority. If he was the right man then what has changed? I know a week is a long time in politics but you cannot change the world in a day. He is working towards a better country, albeit slowly but surely, with the knowledge that whoever is in charge has very little wriggle room no matter what is said.
Are we to become a banana republic, changing leadership randomly every few months? There has to be a certain continuity and consistently with the focus on the future and not a constant harping back to what happened in the past.
The media seem to now have power with no sense of responsibility. Sowing the seeds of doubt, being sensational, lacking objectively, and stirring where it needs to settle. We have a free press, rightly so, but I feel it has more and more become a vehicle for irresponsible headline seekers than sensible thought provoking journalism.
To me, the alternatives to Kier Starmer do not stand up to scrutiny. Wes Streeting has all the charisma of a used car salesman. Apart from sanctimonious soundbites has he offered viable alternative policies for when he may come to power? If has no intention of becoming PM when why is he behaving like this? Is he unknowingly being manipulated by those in smoke filled rooms? What has he been promised?
There is no doubt that Andy Burnham has done wonders for Manchester, he has frequently told us so. However, is it easier to do things as a mayor than as PM? The Labour Party isn’t, at the moment, the Andy Burnham party. Why has he failed twice previously to become leader.
And to the loyal MP’s who are calling for Kier to resign, where is your loyalty? My own one, Clive Lewis, is a case in point. A good constituency PM but seemingly unable to stop meddling in higher things and then take responsibility. Be honest, if you want the top job then say so. You are there partly to the efforts of the current PM. We have had some disastrous, if well intentioned, leaders in the past. I have agreed with their sentiments but have always been realistic enough to know the electorate would not vote for them.
It seems to me that.
Sunday rant over. Have a great day Fathers everywhere.

Reading the comments about the new CAMRA pub scoring system with interest.
Many of the comments mention temperature so it makes me wonder what temperature do landlords aim to serve their cask ales at? I’ve had several pints recently I could have made tea with. I know CAMRA recommends 12-14C but, even allowing a degree either side, it still isn’t being maintained as the weather warms. For now is the winter of our discontent, not made glorious by this summer of Murk.

Being retired, it’s hard to fit in many more activities. It’s a state to be recommended to all. The only other challenge is my bloody body is falling apart. Regular sleep is impossible due to the need for regular pee breaks. At least they ain’t so bad and usually fair warning is given, big jobs, however, are a different category. They sneak up urgently and persistently. If I’m in bed getting up, with arthritis in several joints, adds to the fun and I can get there in time. If I’m up it adds a whole different dimension. It’s impossible to run with clenched buttocks and climbing stairs is a new art form.

Said arthritis is another joy. It has curtailed my cycling to 10-15 mile jaunts with increasingly painful fingers due to the state of the roads. Walking up and down stairs or on and off pavements etc without a handrail is a delicate experience. Simply kneeling and standing up requires serious planning.

Getting up and going to bed is a series of checks. Eyes, ears teeth, medication all require sorting of some kind. There have, and will be, days when I’ve gone out wondering why the world is blurred, very quiet or my breakfast seemed very chewy. And don’t mention charging my phone and other devices, even supposing I can find them.

However, life is fun. I walk a lot, my allotment is a haven of peace. My bikes, for transport or pleasure, are a way of life, I’m a member of more interesting groups than I have teeth, admittedly that isn’t difficult. The Norwich and District branch of The Campaign for Real Ale, CAMRA, is flourishing with many social events. I have joined my old mate as a qualified GOGGOD (Grumpy Old Git Growing Old Disgracefully) and what his wife describes as COB (Curmudgeonly Old Bastard. Indeed it’s got to the stage she warns him behave himself when we are out together. What greater accolade can a man have.

Anyway, this post bears no relation to the title, I seem to have gotten sidetracked once again and I’ve forgotten what I was going to write about. Perhaps after an afternoon doing a Norwich City Of Ale Trail I will remember.

Fare ya well ”ol partners.

For many years my old mate Alan Edwards wanted to organise a festival of Norwich Pubs. It didn’t happen, mainly due to his time being spent in supporting said pubs. However 14 years ago a number of enlightened publicans came together and organised such an event. Now in its 14th year, the month long festival goes from strength to strength. The launch party, a great event in its own right, was held last Thursday and the festival continues until 21st June.

Supported by 26 local breweries the festival covers 51 Norwich Pubs split into 8 trails named after past and current local breweries. Complete a trail and you get a pin badge unique to that trail, and featuring the brewery logo.

Several other businesses support the trail, giving it a real community base. It encompasses cask, craft and keg beer although from my point of view cider, perry and mead should also feature. Events are organised by individual pubs and there is even an app to assist those who understand these things. The festival charity this year is Missoin Remission, which helps people move forward after cancer.

The way the trails are set out means that in between pubs, there is a chance to explore Norwich, its history, and present vibrancy. No doubt it boosts tourism too but to me the main plus is that it brings people together, supports local industries, and ensures that the many traditions associated with pubs and breweries will remain intact.

My thanks go out to the organisers and everyone involved in making this such a great event. It may have been copied but never equalled.

From a customer point of view, 51 pubs in a month is doable at a steady pace, long gone is the challenge to do it in one day as some try. As a sad old git I log beers on Untapped and score pubs on the CAMRA whatpub site. It’s amazing how many new beers I discover and realise I haven’t been in some pubs since the last festival. I see old friends and meet new ones.

What is needed now is for some suitably energised people to organise more local events and festivals. Perhaps a similar festival for coastal pubs lasting from Easter to Halloween? What about a Norwich Dog Friendly Pub Trail, or Children Friendly, or CAMRA approved Cider Trail? I, and I’m sure my old mate Alan Edwards, would be only too pleased to offer our help and experience. Only don’t tell Dee, his wife.

I have been delivering election leaflets on behalf of my chosen party, yes, Labour since you ask. I have done this for a number of years with a growing conviction that it is a complete waste of time. I put them through the doors.# and walk away. on rare occasions someone will open the door and speak. This can take many forms. ‘

“Can’t you see the sticker saying no sales persons, advertising cold calling etc?’.” Yes, but this is about democracy and is one of your few chances to actually influence your future. I don’t consider it advertising.

I’ll put it straight in the bin”. Feel free to, it’s up to you.

The. only time I’ve received a positive response was when I delivered a leaflet with the words ‘LOCAL PUBS’ in big letters at the top. It was an update about three local pubs and what the Labour candidates were doing to keep them open. Apart from one person everyone who I met whilst delivering them was pleased to have it. The one who refused told me there were far too many pubs anyway!

What I wonder though is if anyone is actually swayed in their opinions by these flyers, or indeed posters, banners, broadcasts etc? Does anyone remember anything that is on or in them? I am more and more convinced that it is the media, newspapers and television that shape our political views. I don’t even think that discussion amongst friends and enemies ever changes the mind.

So what is the point? OK, I get exercise and meet people and, if there are leaflets over, get some paper to light the woodburner. But is it green, is it a waste of time and energy and a tradition blindly followed without question?

Anyway regardless of that urge everyone to join in and vote on Thursday. It is your chance to exert influence, if you don’t you have no right to complain.